Intricate

2003-04-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

So here's a poem for all you conforming junkies, since this is what you want:

pretty blueflowers,
beautiful fields,
happy kids running,
blue skies never yeild.
Wonderful dafodils,
FUCK OFF PANSIES.

2003-02-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

Who are you to say
that about one person?
To judge her,
ridicule her?
You don't’ know what
she’s been through.
Unless you have been her,
felt each time the pain.
You should hold your tongue,
your worlds are only bane.
Can’t you see you’re killing her?
Each word
is one more punch.
She’s on the ground-crying.
Can’t hold her own head up.
Can’t you see she’s dying?
Smell the fear,
the pain?
Words continue to tear
apart her fragile being.
I hope you speak so quickly,
you drown in your saliva.
Running to me for help,
I’ll leave you to die there.
Finally-
there is silence.

_______________________

Today
I slipped off my shoes
and stared at the sky.
Dark and dismal
Each star perfectly aligned.
The sand soothes
between my toes.
The sky doesn't move-
it’s all too ideal.
I have to remember
it’s all perfectly timed.
For one night-
to convince me,
he had the stars all align.

------------------------------------

Are you happy now?
You’ve made me cry.
Have you achieved your goal
in having me die?
You can’t govern
the way someone feels.
haven’t you learned that yet
in all these years?
All of you -you’re naive,
ignorant and pathetic.
I suppose I am too.
I won’t punish you
for being depressed.
I don't’ know what
goes on is your head.
Leave me be
to sit in this box.
Bar up the window,
attach all the locks.
I have no desire to go
outside anyway.
With those people
who will kill me inside.
tear all my limbs off-
and still be dignified.
Leave me here,
I won’t fight your
malicious ways.
Because here-alone
in peace
I’ll spend my days.

---------------------------------

Young boy,
don't hide your tears.
let them flow-
let out your fears.
I know you’ve been through
so much more than I.
But I can listen,
I can dry your eyes.
All you need is one
thick wall.
Something to lean on
when you start to fall.
Something strong
to protect your eyes.
To bring closer
your distant cries.
It pains me deeply
to be so far away.
To see you aching
in such a way.
I can be
your bed of clouds.
I won’t judge you
when you cry aloud.
Just
let me be a part of you.
Because you are already
such a part of me too.

----------------------------------

In a corner,
lays a castle
once run,
by a man of 40 inches,
and the princess
he had won.
He bore a crown-
of fig leaves
atop his skull.
His princess dressed
in rags-
dirty dark and dull.
The princess’ eyes
shown too brightly-
Through the veil
that she should wear.
Piercing each the eyes,
of the men who
chose to stare.
This man of 40 inches,
he beat his wife
using a stick.
It was legal then,
for wider than his thumb
it was not thick.
I traveled to his palace.
I saw the ruin there.
The torn and tattered pieces
of a once newly white veil.
I stood there for a moment,
trying to depict,
The feelings shooting
through their veins
as the clock of time did tick.
Feeling so inadequate,
must have killed them both.
Where in a fit of envy,
to love turned into loathe.

---------------------------------------

I look up,
but you’re never there.
I’d search for you,
but I don't’ know where.
I can’t do this to myself.
Fall across distant seas.
I’ll never touch your skin.
but you linger inside of me.
I want to grab your hand,
take you across the globe.
Show you who I am,
to say the star that glowed-
it was ours all along.
To jump inside your skin,
and rest comfortably there.
to fall asleep beside you,
to be devoid of lurking fear.
I’ve got to come back down.
These clouds aren’t doing me good.
So I’ll sit here by myself,
and think of what we would-
stop, now.

------------------------------------------------

If only I could show you,
if only you could see.
I’m not what you hate,
your enemy isn’t me.
To teach you to look further,
outside your doubt-your fear.
learn to dodge
that perpetual sadness
you should always wear.
Heart on your sleeve,
you’ve got nothing left to lose,
but what happens
when the world starts spinning
and her body-it suddenly moves?
What will you do,
when she’s there no longer?
will your days be filled with memories-
you nights spent alone and somber?
How will you ever recover?
Your trust-your hope depleted
so fast?
How will you learn to love again,
if you can’t leave behind the past?
It will suffocate you,
tears will drown you all too quick.
But take your time to live your life
the clock of hope- remember it still ticks.

2003-02-03T17:30:00.000-08:00

They constantly stare,
cover your face.
Ponder why-
the tension you taste.
Nervously fidget,
shuffle your feet.
Living in fear
your eyes never meet.
Sitting alone,
cold corners-
they freeze you.
Visit-your mourners
breath still coming through.
Your mouth opens,
scream to the top.
But no one looks up-
Hear a body drop.
So tell me,
are you happy yet?

-------------------------------------

The world will keep on turning,
with or without you here.
So tell me then,
why is it death you fear?

-----------------------------------

Who are you to say
that about one person?
To judge her,
ridicule her?
You don't’ know what
she’s been through.
Unless you have been her,
felt each time the pain.
You should hold your tongue,
your worlds are only bane.
Can’t you see you’re killing her?
Each word
is one more punch.
She’s on the ground-crying.
Can’t hold her own head up.
Can’t you see she’s dying?
Smell the fear,
the pain?
Words continue to tear
apart her fragile being.
I hope you speak so quickly,
you drown in your saliva.
Running to me for help,
I’ll leave you to die there.
Finally-
there is scilence.

2003-02-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

It’s not a matter of killing you
I’d rather you not be dead.
It’s the principal of it too,
I’d rather see you lead.
Into your suffering-
where hate runs rampant.
My hand muffling
Your screams ever silent.
You can’t run away,
when you turn I’ll be there.
No matter what you say,
you’ll feel your flesh tear.
I hope your back aches
each time you move,
Your eyes burn when you wake,
I’ve got nothing to lose.
So don’t push me,
your ego outgrew,
you’ve lost your values-
think I’ll lose mine too.

-------------------------------------------
I’m not you
it’s something I can’t help.
There’s nothing I can do,
nothing I can say.
You live in your world,
but mine’s a different scene.
Your eyelashes all curled,
you say nothing you mean.
I can’t help
that my world isn’t
a pop fantasy.
Can’t change these colors
to periwinkle and pink.
Those things- they just aren’t me.

----------------------------------------------

She sees him
but their eyes never meet.
He sees her tears-
he’s immune to her weep.
Everytime he passes
she thinks of times ago.
When before she said any word,
he’s say it-he would know.
Her eyes follow him intensly,
every move he makes.
She dreams of it-
she’s strangled
just as she wakes.
He’ll pick her up
and drop her,
as he’s done before.
He’ll blind her once again,
until she can see no more.

-------------------------------------------

Have you ever wondered
what it takes to live?
To love and to leave,
to die and then forgive?
I don’t mean to be
morbid,
to speak so much about dying.
But just like everything else,
we’ll become immune
to the incescent crying.

-----------------------------------------

So wrapped up in you,
the blankets suffocate.
You make no effort to save me,
I die and you just wait.
I need you to uncover me,
I cannot do it alone.
I’ll die without another breath.,
waiting for you to come.
But you love seeing all of me
engulfed
in memories of you.
You won’t save me,
I’ll die my death-
you’re holding my head down,
chasing my breath.

2003-01-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

In the darkness
lay your fears.
All the pain
washed in tears.
In the shadows,
lay limp bodies.
Hidden by shame,
preserved by thoughts.
Time will only
rot them further.
But to you will always
resemble-
what they once were.
And how you tortured her-
how you killed her.

--------------------------------------

Tell me-
what can you feel
when your skin is numbed?
How can you care
if you’ve never been loved?
Tell me-
how does it feel,
day in and day out
living your life
in fear?
Tell me-
who can feel
a hand on their arm
if they’ve never reached out?
A kiss on the neck
if they’ve never felt?
Tell me-
why we put up walls,
only to dissolve behind the stone.
Let me know
why before we speak
we adapt a solemn tone.

---------------------------------------------

One day at a time
live your lie.
Until you die,
take your time.
Just living your life
lie by lie.

2003-01-25T19:25:00.000-08:00

---------------------------------------------

When your mind floats
slowly around,
You can’t see-
the dust covers your eyes,
you can’t be.
Time rips your watch
right off your arm,
it’s in your flesh,
leaves a deep scar.
The ground crumbles
beneath your feet.
But you can’t speak,
your lips won’t meet.
You fall to your knees
begging for a pardon,
but they are merciless-
expect no less
from a prison warden.

------------------------------------

I won’t lay down any longer.
Won’t take the punches,
won’t play the victim.
I won’t run in fear any more.
Won’t feel my legs
buckle from underneath.
I’m taking my pride,
I’m picking it up.
I’m leaving this place
in utter disgust.
To spit in your face,
you’ve broken my trust.

------------------------------------

When your life
flashes before your very eyes.
Everything you’ve loved,
all that you’ve despised.
You can see it clearly,
as the water engulfs
your head.
Hearing it-it’s lucid,
the sound of the bitter dead.
When you think it’s over,
it can’t get any worse.
Someone pulls your head up
then they will disperse.
But not before the lecture you,
on something trivial and small.
Not before they beat you,
for what is not your fault.

2003-01-22T17:58:00.000-08:00

I lay awake,
trying not to trust
these feeling of murder
feelings of disgust.
How can you dwell
on such a horrid thing?
Let it control your life,
become your being?
How can you be happy
when your focus so wrong?
How can you enjoy it,
when the enjoyment is gone?
For all the nights
you ruined mine,
for all the days,
all the time.
Yeah fuck you too,
have a nice death.
Enjoy rotting alone
when you take your last breath.

------------------------------------------

Tell me tonight,
are you the only person
in this world?
Are you the center,
in which the globe revolves?
Tell me tonight,
am I the only person
you disgust?
Am I the only one
left with a feeling of distrust?
Then say we are
the sole people
in this world,
You-the protagonist,
and me- the fool.
How can you not have pity
on such a tired soul?
I am oh so tired,
of trying to always play the fool.

---------------------------------------------

I can picture it now,
every piece I’d take apart.
Each part I’d dissemble,
How I’d break your heart.
First I’d take your fingers,
and break them one by one.
Take a hammer to your mouth,
teeth shoot through your gums.
I can tell that you bruise easily,
so I won’t strangle you yet.
I’ll even save the gag for later,
dumb comment quota not met.
Then I’d take your nose,
and shove it to the side.
Maybe stretch it out a little,
you really shouldn’t have lied.
I’d press a needle into your chest,
and draw a jagged line.
May the pain I had lay at rest,
and an earthquake scream decline.
Tear your ears off one by one,
and when that’s over with,
when I’m done-
all that you prided yourself on
will lay limp on the ground.
You won’t smell a rose,
won’t hear a sound.
But your cold black heart,
it continues to pump,
the blue blood running
though your pathetic little stump.
When you lay on the ground,
drowning in your blood,
see that you are nothing,
but the dirt that makes up mud.

2003-01-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

There’s nothing particularly keen about her,
nothing that screams ‘she’s worth it’.
There’s nothing out of the ordinary with her,
nothing that shouts ‘she’s different’.
She closes her eyes and tries to imagine
a life in a world where image doesn't’ matter.
This body of hers- it won’t let her be special,
because no one wants to be ordinary anymore.
Not even her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

You hate her
and you don’t know why.
Something in her eyes
screams despise.
Everything she’s done,
all she represents,
never spoken a word,
everything she’s meant.
But when you hear her speak,
you begin to second guess
If all of your assumptions were right.
Her tone is low and sweet,
just like yours.

----------------------------------------------------

Her eyes tell tales
many never hear.
Penetrating your soul,
feeding off your fear.
Her eyes tell stories
many never see.
Making you blind,
and your mind weak.
Her eyes tell fables
many never feel.
Paralyzing your legs,
can’t run in fear.
Her eyes are oceans
she’ll drown you in.
She wants you to understand
through all she’s been.

-----------------------------------------

Blank thoughts,
nothing’s real.
Nothing crosses your mind
that you can feel.
You dig deep
to restore the pain.
To find some reason
to whine-complain.
The more you think,
the more it hurts.
No one wants to be ordinary anymore.

------------------------------------------------------
Pale Flowers

Floating-lightly,
feet won’t touch the ground.
This tingly sensation,
it won’t let you down.
Can’t feel your body,
skin numb and pale.
Head off somewhere,
Thinking will fail.
Lips slightly open,
breathing stagnant air,
world freezing around you,
tears fall like hail.
You can’t shake this feeling
of utter disgust,
wishing it to wither away
like pale flowers in the dust.

2003-01-14T15:15:00.000-08:00

Howling lowly,
they want blood.
flesh-eating,
shredding,
no more love.
Humanity lost,
they have no eyes.
Totally ignorant-
they think themselves wise.
They tear you apart,
limb by limb,
first your fingers-
act on any small whim.
Their paces are quick,
they sense terror keenly.
You’ll die in their arms,
shrieking congenially.

-------------------------------------

You took me into your world,
and left me to linger.
All alone-
close my eyes and wither.
Can no longer dream,
you said you’d be back.
but I think you're gone,
never coming back.
My heart’s too weak,
you took all of me.
You don’t know,
my heart lays on the floor.
You didn’t want it to go this far,
I swore I’d stay detached.
But I can’t anymore.
I miss all the talks,
the simplicity of it all.
I need you back,
but you're always gone.

2003-01-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

Do you now what it's like,
to have your legs cut
from underneath.
Mouth so dry,
can’t mumble-can’t speak.
Shot in the head
when you’ve turned your
back.
Owning couth
that others must
lack.
Fingers cut off
one by one.
Novocain-mouth,
can’t feel your tongue.
It will be broken,
and lay on the floor.
Along with your insides,
he’ll always want more.
And when your body,
slowly withers,
when he’s taken your wings,
plucked all your feathers.
Your eyes have no soul,
empty and single.
Can’t trust the world,
your soul can’t linger.

2003-01-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

This is for me.
My honor,
my pride.
Bracing my head up,
playing dignified.
Pick up my insides
all over the floor.
My heart,
my soul
can take no more.
Spill out my soul,
it lays limp on the ground.
Hoping for another punch,
kick me while I’m down.
My hands would move quicker
to pick all of me up.
But with my confidence lost,
there’s nothing left tuff.
All of me gone,
it’s no longer salvageable.
You've left a sinkhole here
where my insides once were.

-------------------------------------------------

Long hours,
staring at walls.
Thinking
lightly,
what I’d do if they’d fall.
Inside these walls
lies my world small and meek.
Easily crumbled
beneath hurried feet.
But inside these walls,
though shaky and decrepit,
my world finds solace
in the place I have kept it.
Running from gargoyles,
monsters big and small.
None can tower these old
shaky walls.
Humming lowly,
Staring at walls.
Pondering
lightly,
what I’d do if they’d fall.

---------------------------------------

Deep and black,
dismal,
foreboding.
A storm occurs in her soul
and he knows it.
The curtains have
been pulled.
She can no longer see.
Her shades put on,
she can no longer be.
Can’t see her eyes,
can't see her soul.
Her skin taught tightly,
but inside she’s old.
Waiting for death
with eyelids
pulled closed.
Even he can't take you
if he can’t see your soul.

----------------------------------------

These are MINE. Take not, Die not.

2003-01-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Thought of the day...err week:

Does Superman get sweaty? Like when he's running aorund at light speed?

2003-01-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

You didn’t know
you could create rivers.
Causing rain to fall
Cold days and shivers.
You didn't realize
gravity was defied.
When I first spotted you
to the floor went all pride.
You didn’t know
you could part the sky.
With mere words and glances
all on you were my eyes.
You didn’t fathom
you could stop the world’s turn.
But with one word you did
that which I thought I had learned.
You weren't aware
you could cause worlds to crumble.
With a mere turn,
mine fell with a shudder.
You could not have known
that you were my everything.
And all that I wanted
was to be your wings.

-------------------------------

It’s raining outside,
but it never pours .
looking out the window,
I can see you soar.
My head is held high
who wouldn’t be proud ?
you hold me together,
make my feeble voice loud.
Have I ever told you,
you’re my everything?
you make me who I am,
you’re the essence of my being.
I knew it all along,
I’d die without you.
my lease on life you signed,
unforgettable too.
Everyday seems like an eternity
with you by my side.
you make me stand tall,
you are my pride.
So beautiful,
nothing can compare.
you're a diamond in the rough,
solid, glowing and rare.
You mean the world to me,
you’re my blue skies.
You‘ve taught me so much,
embody everything that's wise.
You catch me day by day,
when I start to fall.
When my world starts to crumble,
you’re my steady wall.
It’s not unhealthy,
to put so much faith in this.
I know it’s inevitable,
you’re I want to be with.
I’ll never tire,
no matter how long the tread.
You are my paradise at the end,
I’m just waiting to be lead.

---------------------------------------------

I love you.
There’s not much else to say,
when I stumble in the dark,
you’re there to show me the way.
Every time I’ve had the look of death upon my face,
for each minute I’ve felt unappreciated,
for each time I’ve felt out of place.
When you have brought me up,
helped me to be strong,
you tell me just to wait it out,
the clouds will part before long.
Sure we’ve had our scuffles,
and we’ve gotten in each other's hair.
But I know with each new day,
you’ll always, always be there.
I just want to let you know,
you mean a lot to me too.
And I just have to tell you,
Thank you.

-------------------------------------------------

It’s all a part of growing up,
It’s all a part of getting older,
but the further she drifts,
the longer I want to hold her.
the further she gets,
the more I want to hold her.
If this is what growing up feels like
I don’t want it.
This feels cold,
this feels lonely.
If this is what being tuff feels like,
I don’t need it.
This is rough,
this is earthly.
I promised you the world,
didn’t ask for a thing in return.
If this is getting older,
I’ll keep my childish ways,
heartache and suffering
wasn’t in the deal.
I’m tired of al the hurt,
all the pain.
For what reason,
none you gave.
I can’t stop loving you,
you’ve done nothing wrong,
You can’t help,
not loving me in return.

---------------------------------------

I don’t want to speak,
don’t tell me how beautiful I am.
I don’t want to talk,
don’t want food from your hand.
I want this moment to last forever.
To look into your deep brown eyes.
I want to sing,
to dance,
to fly.
But anything happened,
you’d be living lie.
I don’t understand now,
why you can’t love me.
but maybe one day,
I can fathom you leaving me.
I never got a chance,
you left without another word.
I cried myself to sleep that night,
wishing you’d have stayed.
Maybe one day,
I will comprehend.
I’ll figure out life goes on,
Light’s just around the bend.
But as for tonight,
I’m going to cry myself to sleep.
wishing you were here,
with me,
counting sheep.

----------------------------------------------------

Sometimes you can't help but wonder,
why you just can't fade
away.
Life throws too many
curve balls your way,
why you can't swing.
But you're paralyzed,
from head to toe,
you can't speak,
and no one knows.
Drowning in waves,
six feet deep,
you can't conquer them,
the water's too steep.
Then you just wish
with all your being,
things could be as easy
as they are on TV.
----------------------------------

Green pastures,
golden gates,
the hand of God,
reaching-
touching her face.
Undisputable power,
overcoming
her being-
she finally feels Him,
she’s under His wing.
Eyes open slowly,
images of pew,
Preacher standing there,
his sermon’s not new.

-----------------------------------

It’s a time of reflection,
to look in the glass.
To reminisce
of all the years passed.
to look deeply into her,
eyes filled and warm.
To seek that answer,
of why she’s forlorn.
As you look deeper
into her soul,
you find everything
you wish to know.
It’s not a mental,
or bodily ache,
Your heart has been ripped out,
and it’s too much too take.

---------------------------------------------

Head held low,
understand the shame.
You can’t escape
it’s the way he’s made.
It’s his nature,
crude and kill,
it’s impossible,
it’s his will.
He’s strong,
he’s forceful,
the bruises show.
Sunglasses on,
head held low.

shit.

-------------------------------------------------

So the walls are caving in,
I thought you could deal
with all of the heartache,
all of the fear.
The ground that you’re standing on
isn’t sturdy any longer,
but the further you fall,
it only gets hotter.
All the doors are closing,
there’s no where to escape.
You’ll just have to sit
in your chair and wait.
------------------------------------------------

Her eyes are spacey,
you can tell she’s not all there.
The expression on her face,
that familiar blank stare.
Her skin is slightly flushed,
her cheeks no longer rosy,
there’s nothing she can touch,
life’s not feasible anymore.
Although her mouth speaks slowly,
he soul is loud and clear.
She wonders day after day,
if she can overcome the fear.
In her mind she’s puzzled,
how she can feel so alone,
in a room full of people,
she only hears a steady drone.

------------------------------------------

Long time, no see,
I knew in my heart
we could never be.
Loss of direction
when you’re dancing alone,
in need of perfection,
too scared to let it show.
In awe of reflection,
looking back on the years,
tears of rejection,
torn and tattered fears.
So sit in your corner,
I’ll dance by myself.
Someday you’ll learn
knowledge is wealth.

------------------------------------

All wrapped up in trivial thoughts,
totally consumed in everything small.
I often ponder
what keeps them alive.
Is it their pure lack of mind
that allows them to strive?
But being uninvolved with the world
must just lift,
enough off of their shoulders
to live comfortably with.

------------------------------------------

Lost in your eyes
can’t find my way.
Driven by a life
too scared to say.
This maze just keeps winding,
in and out of truth.
You say you’re not lying,
I can’t find the proof.
You swear you’re there
day after day.
But I can’t find the light,
can’t find my way.
So blindly I’ll follow
your foolish lies,
never knowing myself,
always lost in your eyes.

---------------------------------

Foolish,
kicking,
I can’t catch my breath.
Suffocating,
drowning,
slowly finding death.
Looking back,
wondering,
what brought me to this.
Hearing
only
a low droning hiss.
The sky is falling,
no longer blue.
My mind is clouded
with memories of you.

--------------------------------

Pulling me up,
you can hear me now.
My voice isn’t muffled
by water and debris.
You can feel my hand,
skin touching yours.
Although the touch
is distant and cold.
You rub it carefully,
reviving my life.
Warming it,
reminding it,
we all go through strife.

---------------------------------

It’s impossible to love
on a one way street.
Feet tapping alone
can’t follow a beat.
Mind ever wandering
if he’ll come around.
But the string will keep going
until it’s too tightly wound.
Breaking away from traditional thought,
finding in the end
love can’t be taught.
Driving alone on a one way street,
on a road
where another car
you’ll never meet.

-----------------------------------------

Whoever said
we’d never amount
to anything,
never saw the sky.
Saw us
growing up,
and turned a blind eye.
Mumbling comments
underneath their breath,
for us
running things,
meant slow and painful death.
They couldn’t see
the compassion,
the light
in our eyes.
The sun
and the moon,
they’ve never seen the sky.

-------------------------------------------

Everyone’s so different
say they want to change.
The more they try to differ
the more they stay the same.
Wearing colors of mournful death,
it’s known they shop
on the 2 for 1 shelf.
Then you have the ones
who criticize make-up.
so perfect-flawless,
with nothing to cover-up.
The ones who were never meant
to fill-up baggy jeans,
skin hanging out,
some anything but lean.
Colorful pieces
cover your soul,
new aging creams,
reverse the look of old.
Dyes of different colors,
this week’s shade is red.
Everyone goes black
to turn away from trend.
When will we learn,
to let our bruises show?
Without all our changes
through our own skin
we’ll glow.

-----------------------------------

Beautiful girl,
no more rain.
The world is flooding,
you feel nothing but pain.
Beautiful girl,
can’t see the sky.
Your blinders are on,
can only ask why.
Beautiful girl,
your eyes are strained.
Can’t see the beauty,
in yourself remains.
Beautiful girl,
you can’t hold the warm,
can’t feel the light
only looking forlorn.
Beautiful girl,
pick up your pride.
All that matters
goes on inside.

-------------------------------

Don’t want this movie-life,
No excuse to be unhappy.
If something goes wrong
I’m ungrateful.
No one wants to help
a spoiled little rich girl.

-------------------------------------

When the pain becomes too much
life’s not feasible
there’s nothing to touch.
All you want is a little relief.
Something to calm it
something to kill it.
Tylenol and Advil just won’t do.
I thought Bayer would work
but I should sue
those mother-fuckers for false advertisement.
No matter
how many I took
the pain in my chest
only grew.

--------------------------------

As she lay there
that late august eve,
she recalled the most important
thing in life is to breathe.
While her white dress,
touched the ground damp with dew,
she thought of the last thing
that her father knew.
Reaching up for a petal,
crimsoned and live,
she looked back on her uncle,
who told her always to strive.
The wine glass to her lips,
filled to the brim,
she thought of acting
on some random whim.
Laying her head down,
on that old tattered blanket,
she remembered her grandmother
the one who had made it.
Slipping her high heels off,
and stroking her feet,
she recalled all the meals
the doctors said she couldn't eat.
Looking up thoughtfully,
running fingers through her hair,
she quietly reminisced
about her time of great despair.
A flower to her nose,
smelling it in awe,
she recalled her adolescence,
hand held by her pa.
Glancing at her wrist-watch,
time seemingly standing still,
she looked back on the day
the doctors said she'd survive by will.
A tissue to her eye,
wiping away a tear,
she glanced back on cancer
gone now for less than a year.

------------------------------------------------

Time turns,
people lie,
days are forgotten,
but one doesn't' die.
People hustle,
time may turn,
life goes on,
but that day does burn.
In our minds,
the plane won't land,
engraved in souls,
not written in sand.
Tides roll in,
storms may rage,
life elates us,
but we can't turn that page.
Tired of doubt,
yet no will to subdue,
Time leaks in,
but the memory isn't new.
Striving to move on,
with heavy laden hearts,
we have to keep up,
with our two separate parts.
Whistle and sing,.
hum and tap toes,
the Lord will be with us,
through all highs and lows.

-----------------------------------------

Broken with sorrow,
laden with sadness,
only one way to end,
ending with gladness.
I have no verbal answer,
when many as "why?"
I simply close my eyes,
my finger gravitates toward sky.
In all my years,
I've met no greater power,
If I ever do,
I should think I would cower.
Below my God,
He sticks with me through my sins,
under Him,
in the battle life wins.
Never have I
held so great a promise,
Than when my Creator
told me I'd be with Him longest.
He is my breath,
the air I frailly breathe,
He is my fortress,
only His word I heed.
So as I sit here,
Laden with sorrow,
broken with sadness,
I can think only of the joy of tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------

The world turns,
but you’re stuck standing still.
Everything’s whirling
passing you at will.
You remain motionless,
feet embedded in ground.
You can’t move a muscle,
too scared to fall down.

----------------------------------------------

The ground you stand on
lays parched and still.
Where is your humanity?
Tears provoked but never fell.
Crumbling slowly
beneath your feet.
Earth shattering
bow to your knees.
Where is your soul?
Where is your relief?
Looking down
a deep black hole.
Where are your eyes?
You’ve forgotten your soul.

---------------------------------------------

No sleep,
her eyes aren’t dry.
She only weeps
to be by his side.
She can’t hide it,
she’s shameful
inside.
How can one boy have control of her life?
No school,
her mind can’t think.
She only dreams
of what they might be.
She knows it,
It’s written all over her face.
How can one guy have control of her life?
No work,
her legs won’t move.
She only yearns
to be the one he’d choose.
She can’t hide it,
she’s weak
outside.
How can one man have control of her life?
No death,
her body won’t go.
She’s still holding on
to a thin thread of hope.
She can’t die
if she’s never been alive.
Chasing a dream
she’d never survive.
She still longs
to let some man,
control her life
for as long as he can.

---------------------------------------

Tired of sobbing,
the seasons don’t change.
Each new day
brings nothing but rain.
Tired of crouching
hanging my head.
I can’t stand up,
but nothing can be said.
Tired of sleeping,
I can’t stay awake.
Time hits hard,
until the point you break.
Tired of conforming,
hiding my rage.
It’s too late now,
can’t turn the page.
I'm tired of stereotypes,
tired of want,
tired of trying
to be someone I’m not.
Tired of trying
and not giving up.
Tired of dying,
pretending I’m tuff.
Day after day
I wonder,
when enough is enough.

------------------------------------------

I just wish
my tears could was away.
I wish I could see
the light of the coming day.
But nothing subsides
this fear in my chest.
Nothing will stop
my slow painful death.
Life isn’t fair,
I realized that young.
But why can I only see
rain-clouds to come?

---------------------------------------

I can’t fathom
the thought of being alone.
Always and forever
speaking in that
low and solemn tone.
Yet although I cannot understand it,
not even to the first degree,
I hope day after day
that my I will become a we.
I cant’ rightly say,
I’ve ever been in love.
But I can certainly vogue
I've had my share of push and shove.
How can your just stand there,
heart and soul on the line,
and not begin to second guess
if it will end in cake and wine.
The uncertainty of it all
must give it so much appeal,
that countless numbers of women
dive in and like the feel.

--------------------------------------------

Long hair,
kind eyes.
She puts words on paper
simply to see herself write.
It gives her a simple joy,
in it is a certain delight.
But every time her pen
scratches a fresh sheet,
she can hear the jeers
of her classmates all around her feet.
She often wonders
why they even care.
She often ponders
why they pick apart what she wears.
In the end,
does it matter what she wore?
Or is it more important,
you knew who you were?
She understands herself,
has no self pity.
She has the greatest gift
God could have given her.
Sweet soul,
kind eyes,
at only 17,
she’s beyond her years
wise.
------------------------------------------------

These are all MINE. Take not, Die not.